i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
