he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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