So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
