i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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