Sry I called you an 8
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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