There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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