The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
