Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
