you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
