Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
