You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm really busy with my period
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