I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
