I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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