Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
