So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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