I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
