well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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