is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
