i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
