btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
