Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
