It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
