Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
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you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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