i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
