Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dual....:-)
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
