In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
