Heybabeimwearingurpanties
only if we run a train.
done.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
