I cockslap morals
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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