This girl is more easily done than said...
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
