I seem to have left my pride at pride
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
