I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This baby is an asshole
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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