I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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