Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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