Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
