There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
