my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
