if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
