Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
