Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
