We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
