I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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