I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
