guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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