I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
