Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
