I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
