he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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