whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
