3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
