Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
