I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize