I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize