how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
