That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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