:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
