we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
