I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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