how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
