do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she peed on how many people?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
