you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
