areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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