im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
