we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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