omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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