My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
