if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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