they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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