"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
