he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
