just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
