Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
