I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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