Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
