so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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