Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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