Don't you send me to vm
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
