Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize