Umm I'm too high to move.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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