I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
